Like I know your mind is huge
You painted your thoughts for me

You showed me it in the beginning

But you see it stopped there

It stopped when you got your hands back in the cookie jar

You stepped back into your bag and poof you were gone

You once told me I was everything you wished for

But you’re now blinded by the attention

I see your reflection of fuckboyisms when you speak now

And my urge to please you disappeared

So I watch you from a distance now

Because my reality was too heavy

And you’re not ready

So let’s be cool because promiscuous men never made me want to engage

Never wanted to go through that stage, where i was just an option

I chringe at the thought of the script flipping

Where i began to feel like the only one needy of your attention and affection

Your interest ran thin

And it would be crazy for me to think anyone of them were better than me

But you see, like you said…

“Everybody knows Picasso or even Basquiat. But a true eye knows a Jacob Lawrence piece. ”

Hoes are cool but a true black woman stands infront of you willing and able

But you rather be with the horses at the stable, wagging your tail for the pretty faces

So go ahead young

But i dont know if i’ll be here once you’re done.

When i first met him it was refreshing. I felt like someone accepted my flaws i felt like someone could be truly intimate with me. I felt a spiritual bond i have never felt before. The conversations were amazing. The content of our conversations inspired me. He inspired me. And it was fun, it was spontaneous. Physically and Mentally. But as time went by i wanted direction i wanted clarity. I was in no rush for a relationship but i needed to know the intensions he had for me. He told me he saw a future with me. He told me he saw it going somewhere. We sat and spoke on it all the time. We established that we were only seeing eachother. We both got out of relationships the year before so we decided to take it slow. Then went back to being maniacs for eachother. We saw eachother every chance we got and spoke on the phone more than once a day. Facetime Gods. Then little incidents became to happen. He began to disrespect me in public with other females. Feelings ive never experienced started to happen. Although we were both single i Expected a certain level of respect. I started to feel unimportant, JEALOUS and in the dark. The line was crossed on multiple occassions. These things were the beginning of the end of The Honeymoon Stage.  

Written by : Rachael Mangal 

Captured by : Tahir Mckenzie

Muse : Rachael Mangal

Monday, May 25, 2015

Riis Beach, Queens, New York

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The hardest part of listening is swallowing the reality of their words.

I know what he’s saying and they go against my heart’s wishes.

But, i must force my mind to look at the bigger picture.

Convincing myself that I’m not selling myself short.

Convincing myself that I’m doing exactly what he is.

I sit there, with all my senses.

Ears open.

Heart open wide.

I rub his arms in support.

I taste his tongue.

His confidant.

Forgetting my inner wishes.

Convincing myself I’m not stressing it.

I love myself.

Trying not to ride or die but refusing to walk away.

Don’t you leave someone trying to figure it out.

I wish people would figure it out with you.

But really it’s for your own good that they do this.

They put everything in a code for you to unlock.

Subliminally telling you the deepest truths about your fate.

You accept it, but don’t digest it.

They weren’t blatant enough.

The hope lives in the empty spots.

The not knowing.

The unsaid.

Say it dammit.

I want to know.

I want to see how strong i am.

How stupid I am.

How far God wants to take me on this ride of confusion.

Of eagerness of risk.

Risking everything you believe in for hope of Love.

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@tahirmckenzie  @_rvchie

 thrmckenzie@gmail.com  rachaelmangal@gmail.com

Spitting this amateur poetry in hopes that you hear me

Baby we aint gotta be nothing

Its true, id actually prefer it

Getting to know u is hurting

Your potential so bitter sweet

Slow Cruising getting to know you

Trying to find out what makes you U

Basing our knowledge of one another on more than just flirting

I sat in a sauna and thought about you let that heat sink in

You awakened my heart but left it out to dry

You’re just like everybody else

U left me alone to cry

I lost everything i knew to be normal

Everything i knew to be new

Now im here stuck

Agonizing the painful memories of u

Lonely nights, selling myself short

Lonely nights, thinking how did i get so caught

Hold back the tear

Hold back that fear, dont you crack

But i wont let that be the end of me

Because my light shines and he sees it too

My worth is more than money can buy

Don’t you fucking lie

You didnt keep it real, you didnt fucking feel

You thought u could string me along like i was atttached to wheels,

Stuck on a string, tightroping within

Sitting with a soul of confusion

Yearning for full unconditional happiness

The back burner is rocky and i’m tired of car sickness

Hanging on to POTENTIAL not reality

Intentions and words not ACTIONS

The stage where everyone is selfish, except you, SELFLESS

But mama raised a fair one

You gon LEARN…

Cause these hoes aint ROYAL

👑